Dead Fish in a Box

The chronicles of a suburban fishpimp trying to keep it rural.

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Location: United States

Monday, January 31, 2005

Burning Question

I've got a question for y'all. Although I haven't watched much of the series, it would seem to me to be a rather Seinfeld-esque question. Here's the background: one of my co-workers has a thing for Ice Breakers citrus flavored breath fresh fresheners - they're called "Orange Mints"

What is an orange mint? What flavor is it? Is it orange? Is it mint? Is it mint AND orange - like an orange-flavored mojito? Or is "Mint" now a generic term for all breath fresheners - like "coke" is for all soft drinks in some parts of the country.

What's up with that?

Thursday, January 20, 2005

Under-utelized Species

We're always looking for the next big trend in Seafood. In the 1970's there was the Mahi Mahi craze, the 80's had Orange Roughy, the 90's: Chilean Seabass & Ahi Tuna. The Tsunami in SE Asia, while an inmeasurable tragedy, presented us with some previously unknown species that may be coming soon to a menu near you.

Tender, white-meated fillets, wonderful when grilled, garnish with lemon & rosemary
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Great for fish & chips
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Eat it before it eats you!
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Unfortunate Names

From time to time we all run into people who’s names make us wonder what they/their parents are/were thinking. Dick Butkis is prime example. I had a teacher in junior High who’s name was Dick Bone. Come to think of it, anyone who goes by ‘Dick’, I wonder about. A few years ago we had a fellow from Canada call inquiring about halibut pricing with a very interesting surname. He & his wife apparently decided to take each other’s names and he now goes by ‘Massive-Ball’. Another customer growing up couldn’t wait to get married and drop her maiden name: Cox. Unfortunately she fell in love with a guy who set her up for an embarrassing wedding announcement in the paper: “Loving, Cox to Wed”
We had another one walk into the building yesterday. His name wasn't so embarrassing, but it's a head-scratcher none-the-less. Now, despite being academically trained to create and interpret stereotypes (read: sociology major), I strive to avoid racial profiling, but what’s a poor white boy to do when a Mexican walks into your office and says “Hello, my name is Edgar Spik.”

Monday, January 10, 2005

Simonisms: Contageous?

Holy Toledo! I think the world is catching Simon Fever! Even the pastor at my church! Seriously! (ok, i admit, four consecutive sentances punctuated by exclamation points be too much outrage, but this is shocking.) Why would a Cal-Berkley and Princeton grad be eager to emulate a fishpimp who has been quoted as saying "you know my motto: nothing in moderation"? I have no idea, but yesterday, in Simonesque fashion, this author over 3 dozen books, kept refering to the disaster in the Indian Ocean as a result of a "toosami".


Thursday, January 06, 2005

Butchery of the English language by Simon
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Culture Shack

My main man in Orange County, Luke, has been making me look bad - three posts in three days! I just got back from vacation in Florida, and am not up to speed on the latest goings-on here at the house of fish, so for this post I'm dipping into the deepest reservoir of material I've got: Simon.

If you read back through the Fishpimp archives you'll get more of the back-story on this guy, but the short of it is he's a little rough around the edges for a manager of a $50 million sales department. Today I would like to tackle his mastery of the English language.

The other day, in an effort to emphasize his desire for us to have a report to him by a certain deadline, implied that his wrath would be severe should anyone not be compliant. His chosen metaphor was of post-traumatic stress syndrome, also known as "shell shock" Here is what he actually said:

"I'd better have [that report] Monday or you'll all have culture shack"

This is the thing about Simon, when he butchers the English language, he goes all the way. In this example he not only transposes "shell shock" with "culture shock", but inserts "shack" for "shock". Brilliant.

The chart above is a list of some if his finer interpretations.

Monday, January 03, 2005

New Years Resolutions

We're hardly a slender bunch here at the house of fish. Most folk would fall under the 'obese' category according to the CDC. Two of us have managed to lose a bunch of weight in the past year or two - but have fallen off the wagon. I personally dropped 50 Lbs in 2002, and managed to keep most of it off, but the holidays were not kind to me, and I've gained too much back. So we're running a little competition here to see who can lose the most in the first two weeks of the year. I think I've got a pretty good chance of winning, since I'm the only one around here who actually exercises. Wifey-poo bought me a trainer for my birthday so I can ride the bike inside while it's cold, dark, and rainy outside. But a contest such as this calls for drastic measures, I'll be cutting out caffeine & high-glycemic foods, and drinking a ton of fluids. I'll also have to start running more - maybe 4 days a week, I think I can get up to 20 miles a week without hurting myself too bad.

The only other guy who actually has a plan just quit smoking, so he'll have that to deal with! Seriously, I'm in it to win it. I got this thing all locked up. Any my prize?

Lunch at McDonald's, oh, yeah.