Dead Fish in a Box

The chronicles of a suburban fishpimp trying to keep it rural.

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Location: United States

Monday, April 04, 2005

Beating the Baron

It’s kind of like beating a dead horse, except that the Baron’s physique is more reminiscent of a beanbag chair than a horse; that and the fact that he’s not dead. The Baron is one of our favorite targets around here – I’ve detailed his persecution before (see 7/13/04 post), but it’s been a while, so I figured it’s time for an update. Simon, who provides the inspiration for this site, is particularly fond of him – here are some of the latest shots fired from the management cubicle:

Baron, did you get a haircut? How are you going to work the comb-over?
Baron, I saw you on the TV last night. You were in Thailand during the tsunami. The wave came in, the wave went out, and you were the only thing that didn’t move.
· Baron, I heard Harry is having Santa Claus at his house on 12/23; are you moonlighting?
-I’m not roly-poly enough- Baron
· -Not roly enough? That’s a lie. Not poly enough? That’s a lie. Not jolly enough? That’s a lie – I see you shaking hands every day!
· Did you get some Mexican food Big Boy? You must have, there’s none left for me!
‘Hey, I ate light’ – Baron
Ate light? You mean you ate with the lights on so you could see your food!
· Baron, you’re so luck you lower my stress – or you’d be out in the warehouse making boxes and your belly would be getting caught in the stapler!
· You’re just like John Kerry, but when you flip-flop the whole world shakes!!!

The Baron, who starts every morning with a bananna and yogurt, also sports a Ron Jeremy-esque mustache which has caused his officemates to draw comparisons between the Baron and a certain aquatic mammal found in Florida. Simon was quick to pick up on that one:

· Baron, I went to Florida and saw a manatee, with that little mustache, it looked like you, then it started eating a banana and I thought I was back in Seattle!
· Baron, you’ve been to Disneyland, but you’ve never been to Disneyworld, why is that? Isn’t it because you’re endangered and they wouldn’t let you leave Florida?

At one point the Baron was targeting the Columbia Tower Club. The CTC is on the top floor of the Bank of America building. Formerly known as the Columbia Tower, it is the tallest building in Seattle, and caused Simon to offer my new favorite Simonism:

I’m worried about going up in the Columbia Tower with him. I’m worried it’ll lean – It’ll be the Columbia Tower of Pisa!


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