Dead Fish in a Box

The chronicles of a suburban fishpimp trying to keep it rural.

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Location: United States

Thursday, October 21, 2004


One of the major impetuses in creating this ‘blog was the amazing ranting of one of the sales managers here. We’ll call him Simon, and as I have written before, he’s the Yogi Berra of Seafood. We’ve been tracking the butchered clichés, mixed metaphors, and mispronounced words for a little over a year now and the document is now a full 23 pages. The list of Simonisms is now a major part of our office culture. He is aware that we’re tracking him (I think he gets an ego-boost from the attention) – today he let this one fly:

“If you’ve only got 10 Lbs of sand you can’t build a whole skate park…write that down”

But in reviewing the list I realize that he’s compounding his own work into even more convoluted statements. For example, he’s fond of using the clichés “That dog don’t hunt” and “The chickens have come home to roost” but last week he stated: “That’s a big issue, at some point that dog is going to come home to roost.”

Another of his favorite analogies is “don’t take your foot off the gas pedal!”

Example: “Don’t take our foot off the gas pedal or we’ll go into a ditch, then we’ll all have tears in our eyes”
And two weeks later: “If you take your foot off the gas pedal you’ll go in the toilet, and if you’re in the toilet you’re gonna lose money.”

I feel so fortunate to be in the company of this Sage of Seafood, otherwise, I’d be in the toilet, losing money with tears in my eyes.


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