Bachelor Update

Mrs. Fishpimp has been gone for a week and a half now, and I’m just happy to be alive. She does so much to keep me out of trouble. I can’t believe she actually trusted me to live on my own for three weeks; I keep waiting for the sitter to show up. But everything seems to be in tact, I haven’t killed any of the fish in the aquarium, the dog is doing well, even the garden seems to be in great shape (anyone want a zucchini?). Despite my ‘genetic destiny’, I’ve even managed to do the dishes & laundry all by myself! Heck, the whole house is clean; gold star for me!

The only thing that I’ve had problems with is paying the bills. She’s been keeping the books for the five years we’ve been married, and a lot has changed in that time. I don’t know any of the usernames or passwords for the on-line stuff. It used to be that the credit card companies made a big deal about how great it was to pay over the phone. But when I called this time they wanted to charge me $15! I pleaded ignorance, and asked that in lieu of charging me the fee they could just provide me with my username and password. The lady did me the favor of taking a check over the phone at no charge – she obviously felt sorry for me because at the end of the transaction she stated:

“We’ve got to get Mrs. Fishpimp back home quick!”

In the words of Homer J. Simpson: It’s funny ‘cause it’s true.