Dead Fish in a Box

I'm Bad, I'm Coastwide

2010-01-29T17:27:00.000-08:00

That's a play on a ZZ Top song in case you didn't pick up on it. Earlier this month I accepted a promotion to Business Development Executive for the healthcare market. My territory has expanded from downtown Seattle to all of Washington, Oregon, and the Bay Area. Needless to say, I'll be spending a little more time in airports in the future. I'm staged at Oakland International right now enjoying a sub-par Manhattan at Chili's Too.

I met the Bay Area service team today - they're legend in our company; best of the best. I came down for the "District Operation reviw" or "D.O.R." - where the front line service managers report on their most recent quarter's activities and events. Afterward all the senior managers get together and compare notes on how the various presenters did; it was just like Rush week back in the fraternity with all the cussing, sarcasm, and crude humor. The big exception here is that instead of guys not receiving bids they're getting fired.

Meh, they've probably got it coming, but it's amazing how glib we are about it all. Well, that's business. It makes me glad I'm in sales; I'm the only one I have to answer for. I was very close to being promoted to sales manager last year, and in retrospect, I'm really glad I didn't get the job - I'd have hated it. I mean, I like helping people and all, but I probably would have been too harsh (salespeople are tend to be pretty thin-skinned), and had too quick a trigger finger letting people go. In this role I still get to be a mentor to newer salespeople (which is important to me, and deserves its own post), but I have no actual responsibility for their performance. As a mentor of mine here in the laundry business says "It's all good!" - he is so right.

Time to down this last Manhattan and get on the flight home.

This Might Be My Favorite Picture of All Time

2010-01-15T17:50:00.000-08:00

Perfect Practice Makes Perfect.

2009-08-29T09:04:00.001-07:00

That's a slogan our national sales trainer has pounded into my head. If what is practiced isn't perfect, it won't when it is applied in real-life situations. I've been taking golf lessons over the past 6 months, and while I'm faaaaaaar from perfect I have improved my game dramatically.

Yesterday evening I put a dust mat from work down on the patio and grabbed a dozen balls to practice chipping into the Fish-imp's kiddie pool. I got a couple rounds in before Mrs. Fishpimp let the kid & dog out into the yard. It's really hard to practice perfectly when the 2-year-old is grabbing 1/2 of the golf balls and the dog is trying to snatch the other ones out of the air. I'll try it again this afternoon to see if we can get a photo, it should be good for a laugh or two.

Another New Band Name

2009-07-13T13:13:00.000-07:00

Today's new band name: The Taciturn Slackers!

Giving In

2009-06-15T20:33:00.000-07:00

I've resisted having this site turn into a baby-blog, but since that's all I have to talk about these days and I want to keep writing, I might as well stop worrying about subject matter (although last week I did have a prospect tell me he thought Hitler had the right ideas, just the wrong group of victims)

So here's the deal. I have an adorable 20-month old daughter who is freaking addicted to the swing set. She talks about it in her sleep. It's the first thing out of her mouth when she wakes up. Aside from food (she is her father's daughter after all) it's all she seems to think about. So I've decided there ought to be a photo record of her tour de swing this spring/summer. Here are some of the photos from this odyssey of oscillation.

Day one of 19 consecutive days of swinging:

Cassie with Grandpa

Mother & Daughter

Swinging in Berkley, CA

Interview with a Swinger

I love my job (sometimes)

2009-05-01T14:39:00.000-07:00

A big part of my job is "tele-prospecting" - cold calling over the phone. Most of the time it's not a lot of fun; but on Fridays I go through old records and learn all kinds of things. I just called a company that invented 'blended winglets' - I thought it was some kind of appetizer, but it turns out they're the little vertical tips on the ends of the airplane wings that help planes fly faster, farther, and higher than the original configuration. And they were invented right here in Seattle. In tribute, this week's new band name:

The Blended Winglets!

4-Season Commuter Bike

2009-03-15T11:14:00.001-07:00

This guy has no excuse fore missing work.

Not Playing With A Full Deck

2009-03-04T12:46:00.001-08:00

No one likes playing solitaire with a less-than-full deck. One would expect the computerized versions to be immune to lost cards, but, as I'm killing 5 minutes before my next appointment my phone apparently lost the 8 of Spades! Seriously, all the cards were uncovered, the deck all drawn & played, and only one black 8. Weird. Maybe the kid shook it out of my phone while she was playing with it the other day, but seriously, has anyone ever heard of such a thing?

A Future in Music?

2009-02-25T13:50:00.001-08:00

My little girl's vocabulary is growing quickly. The other day she learned the word "baby", now she loves pointing out the babies on TV, from her car seat, and in pictures. Monday night she was looking through the latest issue of Parenting Magazine (she loves looking through books & magazines) showing us all the pictures of kids. It sounded like a Janis Joplin song: Baby! Baby! Baby! Baby! Baby!

in other news: this week's band name: The Brain Evaders.

Band Name

2009-02-03T19:19:00.001-08:00

My next band's name: FoamCore!

Band Names

2009-01-26T18:40:00.001-08:00

There is an art to coming up with a good band name. Some of my favorites are "The Tragically Hip", "The Subdudes", and "Souled Out". In daily conversation I like to listen for little phrases that would make good band (& album) names. I'm going to start posting them when they pop into my head.

Tonight's inspiration: my little girl, the Fish-imp, was playing with her toothbrush instead of using it as directed - hence: "Johnnie G & the Toothbrush Suckers".

Better than work!

2009-01-18T15:00:00.001-08:00

Mrs. Fishpimp & I are hanging out in Maui for the weekend on the company Sales Superstars trip. I have to say: the Fairmont here is a pretty sweet operation. It's a bit windy, but it's 75 degrees and, by Seattle standards, sunny. I'm still blown away that I made the trip. Last night I had dinner with a cople of the company sales heavyweights, tomorrow I'm in a foursome with the Sr. VP of Sales at the Grand Wialea Golf Club. Not bad for a short white guy with glasses from Seattle.

Discoveries

2009-01-09T12:29:00.001-08:00

One of the things I love about my job is that I get paid to explore Seattle. Yesterday I went into a used furniture store down on 1st ave. It's in the old Central Gun Exchange building. Apparently they had an unofficial indoor shooting range. For 50 years they shot bullets into the building foundation. You can see the result in the picture. Who knew?

Tactics

2009-01-09T06:59:00.000-08:00

I'm working on picking up the uniform business at the Fishhouse. They're evaluating me and another company that delivers out of Portland. I-5 gets shut down every year due to floods,including this week. So today I just sent them this picture:

Hopefully it seals the deal

Puerto Rican Cuisine

2008-12-30T05:09:00.000-08:00

Here's what qualifies as great seafood in Puerto Rico: Fried whole reef snapper and a huge lump of "mofongo", a starchy, flavorless mixture of mashed plantains, root veggies and meat.

Puerto Rico #3: Cost of Sporting Adjustment

2008-12-28T09:05:00.001-08:00

We took in a Winter League baseball game the other night. These teams are equivilant to the American minor leagues that feed into MLB clubs. The product is very similar to an Everett Aquasox game. But check this out: for the $38 we would have spent on a just a single box seat for the Mariners along the 3rd base line we got two seats 5 rows behind home plate, 2 double pina coladas, a double gin & tonic, a sack of skittles & a bag of sunflower seeds. Oh, and parking was just $2. Not a bad deal at all

Puerto Rico#2

2008-12-23T17:31:00.001-08:00

Another observation: apparently the Puertoriquenos set off big-ass fireworks around Christmas. All the neighborhood dogs are howling in protest.

In other news: we locked ourselves out last night, but my slender sister-in-law punched in the bug screen and shimmied through the security shutters and let us in. Too bad the camera was in the car with a dead battery - it would have made a fantastic photo op.

Contrast.

2008-12-23T15:34:00.003-08:00

It's 29 and snowing at home.

Puerto Rico #1

2008-12-23T15:34:00.001-08:00

Here are my initial impressions of Puerto Rico:

*Despite being on an island, they're not into seafood.
*Beer selections are limited to Bud, Coors, Hienekin, and two local beers that taste like Bud.
*Most of the food is fried. Plantains are served with everything.
*The water is super-fantastic!
*I haven't seen any rum other than Bacardi and Don Ronrico.
*there are 25 radio stations and they all play Salsa.

The best laid plans...

2008-12-18T08:25:00.001-08:00

I was supposed to ride along on a route today, but the snow has traffic paralized. The driver is stuck 15 miles south of town and is only moving at 5 feet per minute. So now I'm debating between going for coffee or just going home.

Blog this!

2008-12-15T16:22:00.001-08:00

Comming to you live from my Christmas present!

Giving Thanks

2008-11-26T08:36:00.000-08:00

I’ve been neglecting my poor blog. It’s been a busy time at Camp Fishpimp. I finished the sales year in September ranked in the top 10 out of nearly 500 salespeople and qualified for the Superstars trip to Maui in January. While last year was the best of my 8-year sales career, this year is getting off to a slower start than I’d prefer.

So I’m back at the drawing board drawing up my plan for the year. Three years ago I worked mainly on restaurants and government accounts. Two years ago I focused on automotive & construction companies. Last year I focused on food processing companies. This year I’m continuing the push on food processing and branching into healthcare.

While the job is still very challenging (in the 3 years I’ve been here I’ve seen over 15 salespeople come and go in my office), from my perspective it’s still a big upgrade over the fishhouse. There are only so many companies that buy fish. I only had a handful of prospects that weren’t doing business with us; and they all did business with the other guys for a reason. Here, just in downtown Seattle I have over two thousand prospects with all kinds of opportunity.

This Thanksgiving week I am very, very grateful for my job.

"Action"-Packed Anniversary

2008-10-20T07:07:00.000-07:00

The Fishpimps celebrated their 8th wedding anniversary the other day. We’re trying to sell our unoccupied rental house right now; with two mortgages finances are a little tight but I still found the cash to buy Mrs. Fishpimp a nice bouquet of flowers down at Pike Place Market.

On the way back to the car I got a call from a nightclub looking to rent custom logo dustmats from us. I offered to stop by immediately since he was on my way back to the freeway. I didn’t recognize the name of his place, so I parked at the intersection closest to his address and started looking around. On the third pass across the area I realized that my appointment was at the former Déjà vu.

That’s right: I went to the strip club on my anniversary.

For fidelity’s sake, I’m fortunate that the managers office is upstairs and no where near the “action”. It should be a nice little account, but in this case I’ll probably shy away from my pattern of patronizing the accounts I’ve sold. Even if I don’t end up selling the account at the very leaset I got a good story out of it.

This is Good Times:

2008-09-23T20:17:00.000-07:00

Check this out: Sarah Palin Baby Name Generator

According to this I I had been born to Sarah Palin instead of Grandma Fishpimp I'd be named "Stepper Choke"

My wife would be "Snooker Hinge"

And best of all... My daughter would be named "Rifle Panzer Fishpimp"

By The Way...

2008-09-08T12:58:00.001-07:00

I didn't get the promotion I was gunning for. A former coworker who is utterly incapable of dealing with conflict, and who thinks I am out to get him, filed a complaint with HR stating that, among other things, I hate Asians. While the complaint was essentially laughed out the window, they're going to find someone else to fix the mess up there (and it is a mess). In the meantime I'll keep on "selling the sh*t out of laundry" (industry parlance for a job well done) until another post opens up.

I'll keep you posted as things progress.

Spin Control

2008-09-08T12:51:00.000-07:00

Jon Stewart of "The Daily Show" to Mike Huckabee: "So you feel your party is the only one that can fix the mess that your party created?"

Mike Huckabee: "Yes."

I'll be so glad when this election is over.

The Next Step

2008-08-15T13:13:00.000-07:00

Light a candle, say a little prayer, and cross your fingers for the Fishpmp. I have an interview with the Sr. VP of Sales next week for an opportunity to move up to sales manager.

A Feather In My Cap

2008-08-01T07:36:00.000-07:00

I spent the first part of this week at the Wharton Business School at the University of Pennsylvania in Philadelphia (that's right, I went to an Ivy League school). I was there to make my final presentation and graduate from my company's Sales Management College. This has been one of the tougher classes I've been through at any level of my education, and I feel a tremendous sense of accomplishment having completed it.
For the final my partner and I were to complete the following sentence: "If we had full autonomy to improve the company's sales department the one thing we'd do is..." We presented to the VP of HR, VP of Marketing, Senior VP of Sales, the two Regional VP's of sales, the director of training, and a number of other executive-level people. Some of my classmates were nervous; my partner (the sales manager from St. Louis) and I were excited to show off. Our classmates threw together presentations that were confusing, without a clear theme, and absolutely zero data to back up their claims. While the other groups received harsh criticism for their efforts my partner and I exchanged confident glances and smirks across the room - we had our poop in a group. When our turn came I distributed the paper handouts of our presentation, and there was a collective sigh of relief from the gallery - we had a simple, clear, and very well-documented presentation. We rolled right through it without a single interruption from the crowd - we left no questions unanswered. We were given 30 minutes, but only needed 15 to get our point across. At the end the comments we received were 100% positive. The SVP of sales, who is known for his ability to make a presenter feel 2" tall with his stinging critiques stated he had nothing to add other than we did a fantastic job.

What a great feeling! I'm still floating!

I graduated unofficially as #1 in the class and have received interest from directors of sales in the Mid-west, NY-NJ-PA, and New England areas, but my "D.O.S." is not eager to let me leave his region. I've got my fingers crossed that a Sales Manager position will open up here locally and I won't have to relocate; and right now things are looking good.

Also while in Philly we went out to Pat's - the home of the cheesesteak. Ordering a cheesesteak in Philly is like ordering a latte in Seattle - you have to do it right or you get hassled by the locals. So I ordered a "peppersteak wit provolone"; the order was approved by the crew and 15 seconds later I had an authentic Philly Cheesesteak in my hand. It was AWFUL!!! Tough meat, cold cheese, and no flavor. I should have gone across the street to Geno's

But now I can say I went to an Ivy League school, graduated from the Sales Management college, and ate an original cheesesteak. 3 new feathers in my cap.

Gladly Supporting the Local Economy

2008-07-18T11:01:00.000-07:00

Since I got a new tube amplifier last year I've been toying around with the thought of buying a new electric guitar. I've got two inexpensive guitars currently (a Seagull acoustic, and a Fender Stratocaster electric) and resolved that the next guitar I bought would be of high-enough quality that I wouldn't end up disappointed by the sound or construction. In that span I've played close to two dozen guitars and figured I needed to shell out between $1200 and $1800 for the instrument that met my criteria.

So imagine my surprise when I fell in love with a guitar that was under $500! I was fooling around at Guitarville in Shoreline, WA with no intention of buying anything, when I picked up a Gretsch G-3161 Streamliner Historic Reissue. I knew it was the one after playing just a couple of chords! And it sounds even better at home than it did in the store! I cannot tell you how excited I am to be playing it at church on Sunday. I haven't been this excited about a purchase since I bought my wife's engagement ring over 8 years ago!

Coincidently, these two things have more in common than one might expect - I had to hide both from Mrs. Fishpimp until I knew how I was going to pay for them. Hiding a ring is way easier - I couldn't fit this in my sock drawer:

In the words of the Presidents of the United States of America: it's large, and lovely, and it smells just like a dream! When I go home I am completely torn about what to do after giving my wife a kiss- play with my adorable daughter (who is crawling now and getting cuter by the second) or go downstairs and play the new fiddle. Fortunately the little Fish Imp likes the rock & roll, so I can sit her on the floor and let her play with the patch cables while I rock out.

I just hope she doesn't think she's going to get to play it when she gets older.

Obligatory "Soap-Hawk" Photo

2008-07-02T19:57:00.001-07:00

I am required by law to take and post this photo:
This just in from the "This Just In" desk: My kid is still freakin' cute.

Two Reasons Why I Love Visiting The In-Laws

2008-07-02T18:47:00.000-07:00

This is the view from their back yard:This is the view from the garage:

Value Subtracted

2008-06-17T17:59:00.000-07:00

I got a new guitar amp for my birthday last year and have been having all kinds of fun making noise in the basement. Now that I've had a chance to play through my gear for a couple months I've decided that a couple of the effects pedals I bought initially aren't exactly what I want. So in a time-honored tradition I'm looking to swap some gear.

I listed them on craigslist (overdrive/distortion, Chorus). I got an email two hours later from a dude in Poulsbo (across Puget Sound) who stated that if I was to take an hour an a half of my time, buy a $6 ferry ticket to Kingston he would gladly meet me at the ferry and buy the pedal from 30% less than I'm currently asking.

So here's the breakdown:

Initial sale price: $100
Discount to $70: -$30
Ferry ticket: -$6
90 minutes of my life: -$45

Net profit: $19.

Did I mention that it's barely used and it retails for $180? I thanked him for his creativity, and informed him I could get more money trading it in on the product I actually want to own and save myself that $51 in opportunity cost.

He told me I drive a hard bargain.

Is This As Bad As It Sounds?

2008-06-04T07:44:00.000-07:00

If Your Wife Doesn't Find You Handsome, She Better Find You Handy!

2008-06-04T05:28:00.000-07:00

The Fridge stopped working yesterday. It's only a year old, so I figured it must be something simple. After a quick internet search I found this place which is both helpful and hilarious. The auther refers to the refer and the freezer as "the beer compartment" and "the ice cream compartment" "Some people like to use the beer compartment to keep their food cold & veggies fresh...". Anyway - I mystified my wife by fixing the fridge during the commercials on"The Deadliest Catch".

God Bless Al Gore for inventing the internet, otherwise I'd be significantly less handy with nothing but rotting food and warm beer in the fridge!

Oh Great, Now The House is Gonna Be Haunted!

2008-05-26T15:51:00.000-07:00

We were planting our new witch hazel tree when we unearthed the latest in a string of odd back-yard finds: a dead pet hermit crab in a Lighthouse Blue Cheese Salad Dressing jar. We'll put it up there with the E.T. toothbrush, and the rusted-out safe deposit box.

Who knows what's next!

2008-05-13T05:27:00.000-07:00

I don't know what it is about my buddy Ed. There's something about him that makes people say really goofy things. A few years ago I wrote about the time he ordered a vanilla latte in Manhattan and was told by the barista that he could make Ed a regular latte and add vanilla syrup, but that they did not have vanilla lattes.

The latest in this long-running trend happened last week. His birthday was last Monday (5/5) and as he was packing to meet be for a birthday margarita a coworker (who I'm sure is plenty intelligent) asked "Today's you birthday? Is it always on Cinco de Mayo?"

For those of you who no habla Espanol, "Cinco de Mayo" is Spanish for the 5th of May.

Reno Part II

2008-05-07T07:45:00.001-07:00

Mrs. Fishpimp hates Reno and Las Vegas. She grew up just over the state line in California. She's got stories upon stories about how all her trips into Nevada have gone awry. My trip to The Biggest Little City in the World certainly could have fit into this trend. In three days I:

Suffered the worst turbulence I have ever experienced coming into Reno.
Left my I-Pod and Sales Manager Class homework on the air plane.
Dropped my perscription sunglasses on the floor where a cocktail waitress stepped on and crushed them
Beat my boss's 3 Aces with a 8's over Aces full house, then lost it all back to him leaving me with no money and an upset manager.
Had to re-learn that just because the booze is free doesn't mean I have to drink it.
Had to relearn that I don't like Blackjack.
Had to apologize to the waitress who broke my glasses for my boss's bungled humor that cost us at least three rounds of free drinks (She was from Albania, not Alabama - slight difference)

Despite all that I ended up having a great time. I got new glasses that actually fit my head (Punky - no more Ray Charles jokes!), found my book and I-Pod back in Seattle, and ended up having a great chat with my boss in the Airport before our flight home (along with 3 free Bloody Marys!). I was determined to have a good trip, and I did.

The power of positive thinking is real, even in Nevada.

Reno Part I

2008-04-16T21:11:00.000-07:00

I just got back from a 3 day trip to Reno for work. It was a reward for all the Sales Managers and their top Account Executives (me) in the region for being the #1 group in the country for the first 1/2 of the year. While I'm not much for gambling we did have a pretty good time. One of the events was a bowling tournament, during our march toward victory I picked up a 6-7-10 split. It's the bowling equivalent of a hole-in-one.

This is what it looked like:

Clawing My Way Into Middle Management

2008-04-05T07:52:00.001-07:00

I was accepted into my company's Sales Management class last December. It's quite an honor, they only took 5 Account Executives (AKA F***in' Sales Guys) for this year. The company has a goal of becoming a world-class sales organization, and after two week-long classes, I have to say we're well on our way. The first class was in Dallas where we learned about different personality types and how to manage them. Last week we met in Atlanta for a class on training and public speaking.

It's amazing how simple it is to appear as if one is a naturally gifted public speaker. For the videotaped sessions I did 1-minute talks on how to cook salmon and my chili cooking techniques. Thanks to my experience as a tour guide and MC of a local Alpha Class I fooled the instructors into thinking that I had already had some training. Normally I hate being taped, but this class was so helpful I didn't mind at all.

I was a little skeptical when I came to work for this multi-billion dollar corporation, but it is plainly obvious that this company is invested in the development of its people. I am honored that I have been selected as one of the few people to help shape the future of this organization. In the past I would write "I just hope I don't screw it up" here, but I no longer worry about like that. Now that I'm 2 1/2 years removed from the Fishhouse's daily brow beatings my confidence is restored, and I'm excited to help lead my team to be the best it can be.

Friday Night

2008-03-21T22:11:00.000-07:00

Mrs. Fishpimp is off with the girls. Cassie-poo is asleep and I'm spending the rest of the night drinking cocktails and watching old Almost Live clips on YouTube

Let's Face It...

2008-03-08T07:31:00.000-08:00

My kid is freakin' cute!

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways...

2008-02-17T19:30:00.001-08:00

Another reason I love my wife: She's blocking out time to watch the remake of Knight Rider tonight.

Skillz

2008-02-02T16:19:00.000-08:00

I was never a great athlete, or the smartest kid in school, but I have come to realize that there are a handful of things I do better than most folk. Here's a list of, as Napoleon Dynamite would say, skillz:

1) Parallel Parking
2) Chucking a Frisbee
3) Telling a Joke
4) Remembering obscure facts about people I've met (even when I can't remember their names)
5) Firing up a pot of ass-kickin' Chili

The people at the Super Bowl party tomorrow are going to get a heavy dose of #5.

Dallas Dandy

2008-01-26T06:33:00.000-08:00

I just got back from an interesting week in Dallas, TX. I have been nominated and accepted into my company's Sales Management Institute, this was the first of four week-long classes. The further I get into this program the more honored I am to be part of it.

Late in 2006 I was identified by my former sales manager as a candidate for promotion, which was a first since joining the non-seasonal workforce. At the quarterly sales review my presentation got the attention of the Western Regional VP of Sales and the NW Director of Sales who stated to the room "I've been going through these reviews across the country for a month now, and that was by far the best I've seen." Later that summer he and I closed down a very large piece of business after which he told me if he were going to make a training video of how to sign an account he'd have taped the call we just completed. So I've got him fooled...

I ended up finishing the year in the top 20 reps out of over 400, and was nominated to the SMI. I flew to the corporate HQ for a day of interviews with 10 other people out of which they selected 5 of us to attend this series of classes on managing, coaching, hiring, public presentations, and business strategy.

Looking around the room this week it was a amazing & humbling feeling knowing that in the eyes of the company's senior leadership I'm in the top 1% of talent; especially since it appears that I may be the top candidate in the class! Not bad for a short white guy with glasses!

But what really blew my mind was hearing more about the company's training program. I work for a Fortune 500 company with annual sales in excess of $13 billion. One of their goals is to build us into a "world-class sales organization" The foundation of that building is the training program which has been recognized inside and outside the industry as one of the best in the world; and the SMI is the pinnacle of the program. And I am one of 5 salespeople who has the privilege of attending!

I never imagined I'd be here. Not when I was wearing a trench coat in high school, not when I was goofing off in college, driving a tour bus in Alaska, and certainly never when I was selling dead fish in a box. Which leads me to ponder the power of positive feedback; it all started when my manager told me she though I'd be a good candidate for promotion.

So here's your homework: read this book: How Full is Your Bucket by Tom Rath and Donald O. Clifton

It'll take you 2 hours at the most to read, but it will change your perspective on all your relationships. Seriously.

Pro Sports Effect on the Community

2008-01-14T06:41:00.000-08:00

Nick Licata, the Seattle City Council's chair on culture is on record as saying the Seattle Sonics, our NBA franchise, add no cultural value to the community.

He is wrong. Pro and college sports have a tremendous impact on the psyche of the communities they play before. They draw a community together and focus its members against a common foe, giving people who would otherwise have nothing in common a reason to gather side by side.

I experienced this in person last week. The Seattle Seahawks were preparing to play the Green Bay Packers in the NFL's divisional playoff, and the entire community was gathered in solidarity behind our team. The Governer of Washington declared Friday January 11th "Blue Friday" and extolled all citizens to wear blue in support of our Hawks.

I only had a couple of sales calls scheduled on Friday, so I did some "in-person prospecting" (formerly known as cold calling). In a normal hour of IPP's I get 3-4 hostile "F*&$ing Salesman" reactions. However, this time I ended each cold call with a "GO SEAHAWKS!" and twice the person's hostile demeanor immediately disappeared as they smiled and responded in kind.

What else can bring a community together like sports? There's nothing else this community can a gree on. Our intolerant "tolerance" prohibits us from gathering in accord on anything; art, politics, celebration of religious holidays, etc. Nothing binds us together like one of our teams in the playoffs.

Now if only the defense had shown up on Sunday.

Go Seahawks!!!

2008-01-07T09:07:00.000-08:00

Nintendo bought the Mariners 10 years ago, are they now in the market to buy the Seahawks?

Winter Warmth

2007-12-23T08:44:00.000-08:00

Our furnace quit working on Friday night. The pilot light wouldn't stay lit; if we wanted heat I had to fire it manually every time, which takes one cold & frustrating minute in the basement 3 times an hour. So I called a HVAC company that a friend of a friend of a friend works for to have someone come out an look at it. It's a 45 year old piece of equipment that is on it's last legs, I know it's going to need to be replaced soon. I just hoped that we wouldn't need to put a new one in Christmas week.

It cost us an extra $100 for a Saturday call. An extra $100, $185 total, to have some sweaty guy come out to bang on the thermocouple with a screwdriver twice to get the pilot light going again. Sheesh - that was worse than the mechanic who can't hear the funny noise the car has been making for the past two weeks!

I she'd like some toys, but I really hope Cassie likes the new furnace we're getting her for Christmas.

Tacky

2007-12-21T15:29:00.000-08:00

Anyone have an 8' tall snowman equipped for phesant season? My neighbor does. It's right in front of the Home Depot Frosty-Does-Nascar inflatable.

Another First for Cassie

2007-12-18T18:19:00.000-08:00

Whoosh!

2007-11-30T07:31:00.000-08:00

November has gone by way too fast. Here are some hilights:

The Kid started sleeping through the night!
She took the bottle with no issues.
I was recognized as one of the top performers in the company at the national awards banquet in Las Vegas. I ended up finishing in the to 20 out of nearly 300 salespeople. I was #1 in the company for the month of September.
Watched football as my father-in-law finished our kitchen - installing the crown moulding, knobs, & pulls.
Brined & smoked two turkeys for Thanksgiving; they were absolutly delicious. Here is the recipe.
Bought a new amp for the electric guitar - all tubes; it sounds incredible next to the piddly little thing I played through before. Now I just need to learn to actually play the thing.
Went to my first Apple Cup. The tailgating was fantastic, the final score, no so much.
I've been invited to interview for the Sales Manager Institute; my company's management training school; they only take 5-8 people a year. My boss's boss tells me I'm in, but I still have to fly to California to interview next week.

All in all, not a bad month for a short, white guy with glasses!

Sales Call Preparation

2007-11-16T05:14:00.000-08:00

This is how I get ready to meet a prospect for the first time:

So Far, so Good

2007-10-19T16:21:00.000-07:00

So far, being a parent is awesome. Cassie is pretty easy to manage. She's sleeping most of the time; when she cries she needs one of four things: food, a diaper change, the pacifier, or a little quality time with daddy. Fortunately, Tolkien the dog has been fairly flexible. The working instinct is strong in him and he really wants to help when he can: he whines when she cries, he watches when we change diapers, and I actually watched him rock her in the bassinet the other day - it was amazing. I do worry occasionally that the dingo in his heritage will come out and I'll turn around and he'll have snatched her out of her swing and carried her back to his kennel to gnaw on her toes.

Here is a picture (self-portrait, of course) of us watching football while mama takes a nap.

On another note - Google has really got its poop in a group when it comes to application integration. Mama downloaded Picasa to manage our photos. It's got a super-duper easy to use mini-editing suite which I used to work up a print for the birth announcements. I just ordered 100 prints for the announcements by clicking a button; they'll be ready at the Walgreen's down the street in an hour. Then I clicked another button to upload this photo to a new blog entry. Another button will email photos from my library to anyone through my Gmail account. As my homeboy Elwood would say: "That's dope-fly-monkey!".

Here's the photo from the announcement:

The Future of America

2007-10-10T11:22:00.000-07:00

Our little Fish-imp was born yesterday at 1:24 PM. Weighing in at 7 Lbs 4 oz, measuring 19". She's got a full head of strawberry blond hair and is a voracious eater. Mom is recovering well, I'm getting plenty of practice honing my swaddling skills. I'll put more photos up soon, but in the meantime there are some available on the sister-in-law's website:

kentandbeckybaer.com - click on the Baby-Girl Garrett link at the top.

Thank you for your support!

Racial Profiling

2007-10-02T17:19:00.000-07:00

Three of us from the office went out for Thai food yesterday. The food was delicious, but the racial overtones were hard to ignore. If Johnnie Cochran was still alive I'd have him on speed dial by now. Be prepared before you read the following scenario; you will be outraged.

After our food arrived the waitress, who I assume is from Thailand or one of it's neighbor countries, came back with one pair of chopsticks for my Filipino coworker, but none for me or my fellow Caucasian at the table. I'm not sure which assumption I'm more outraged by, that Whitey can't use the chopsticks (I've been rockin' the chopsticks since Mrs. Dumas's 1st grade class had a unit on Japanese culture) or that my Pacific Islander brother from Spokane eschews the fork as an eating device.

It's a good think the Pad Kee Mao was so delicious; otherwise I might have had to actually say something controversial like "May I please have some chop sticks?"

An Ax to Grind

2007-09-15T07:13:00.000-07:00

I've got some hardwood I need to split into chunks for the smoker, so yesterday on the way home from work I tried to buy an ax. Here is a list of stores who do not stock a 2.5 Lb. wood-handled ax:

Home Depot
Miller's Rent-All
Sky Nursury
Dunn Lumber
Fred Meyer
Aurora Rents
Sears
Lowes
Aurora Mower

I finally found my ax at the True Value store in Greenwood, a mere 12 miles, and 10 stops, from where I started.

Miracle Grow

2007-09-05T07:12:00.000-07:00

Check out the size of our produce (the zucchini, not the kid)!

Nicknames

2007-09-03T09:05:00.000-07:00

I've got a new favorite nickname in pro sports. John Marshall, the Seattle Seahawks defensive coordinator referred to Darryl Tapp as "A Rolling Ball of Butcher Knives". If he can live up to that imagery the Seahawks should have a pretty good season.

Life is Good

2007-08-23T14:27:00.000-07:00

A former manager of mine once told me that sometimes it’s better to be lucky than it is to be good. If my current situation isn’t evidence supporting that truism, I don’t know what is.

Six months ago I was struggling along in my current role. I loved my work, but I just wasn’t bringing in the sales at an acceptable clip. Then my mentor got promoted out of town, my boss quit, and in addition to struggling in sales I had to manage 5 other people who were also struggling without a reduction in my quota. Things looked bleak. I gained a new appreciation for the Simonator (he’s the inspiration for this weblog – see my earliest posts), I found myself saying the same things he said to my team – in short, I was a major stressed-out jerk in fear of losing his job.

Then, in May, I popped a huge sale that erased my year-to-date deficit. Things looked like they were turning around. Then this week I popped two more huge sales that will more than double my year-to-date numbers, which should qualify me for the big President’s Club all-expenses-paid week in Maui. The beautiful thing is that I’m on vacation in Lake Tahoe this week – my team did all the work for me – sizing over 1,000 people for new clothes, writing up paperwork for nearly 200 locations, ordering up all the garments, setting times with each location for the installation, and on, and on, and on. I haven’t had to lift a finger! Seriously, the hardest thing I’ve had to do is answer all the congratulatory e-mails from the corporate big-wigs.

On top of all that these two big sales will count towards the big contest coming up in a few weeks, so I’ll be getting paid on them 4 times – the standard commission, the quarterly bonus, the annual bonus, and the contest cash! I feel like I won the lottery!

Of course, the spoils that come with bringing in over $3,000,000 in new business is nothing to sneeze at, but the timing couldn’t be better. You see the Fishpimps are expecting! The little Fish-imp is due October 18^th and now I don’t have to worry about where the maternity-leave cash shortfall will be made up. Praise the Lord!

Now all I have to do is complete the mile-long task list the nesting Mrs. Fishpimp has put together for me in the next 6 weeks!

People keep telling me that I’m a good salesman, but in this case I’m more than happy just being lucky.

Life in the Village

2007-08-03T07:12:00.000-07:00

I was walking out of the QFC at University Village when I witnessed a time-honored tradition updated for these modern times. An elderly man in a light-blue suit & fedora flirting with a table full of college girls sipping on iced lattes:

"You all are so pretty - why, you all must be younger than your sunscreen S.P.F. number!"

Oof.

In-law Update

2007-06-29T12:22:00.000-07:00

Mrs. Fishpimp's parents live in South Lake Tahoe near where the big forest fire is burning currently. Several people have called/e-mailed to express their concern so I thought I'd publish a little bulletin here. They're fine, the fire seems to be contained several miles from their home. They did send some photos from their back yard however.

Check it out:

This is about 1 hour after the fire began burning.

Here's the view Sunday night.

Of course, my father-in-law believes in making hay while the sun shines, so he decided to mulch the yard until an evacuation order came, which hasn't yet. Cross yer fingers!

A Heavy Burden

2007-06-15T05:00:00.000-07:00

I've been having a really rough time with an account I sold last month. I find it hard even getting out of bed on days like these. I don't know how I even manage. The account is a major resort on San Juan Island. Today I have the unbearable task of spending the day to driving up to Anacortes, taking a spectacular hour and a half ferry ride through the beautiful San Juan archipelago to the quaint port of Friday Harbor to deliver a massive order of chef's jackets.

Here's how tough I've got it: This account is so large that it accounts for nearly 40% of my annual sales goal. The Food & Beverage manager called me and asked to do business with my company (my fishhouse buddies would joke that all I did was just pick the order up off the fax machine). I closed the deal with my boss's boss on the call, who told me afterwards "If I were going to make a video of how to sign an account that's exactly how I would have it scripted." I have had to spend 3 days out of the Seattle rat race to hang out in the sunny San Juan Islands. My contacts at the resort are some of the easiest people to do business with, very professional, very cooperative. On top of all rental business they're buying about $10,000 worth of clothing from me. You can see how miserable I am. I am utterly inconsolable right now as I watch the eagles soar & sailboats glide while cruising through Guymes channel on my way to Orcas Island. The most terrible part is I'm getting paid a king's ransom to do it all. The only way it could possibly be any worse is if I am forced to enjoy a delicious ice cream cone while strolling through the marina passing time until the ferry arrives. What an awful way to start the weekend. Uff Da!

Road Outrage

2007-05-24T09:34:00.000-07:00

I may be the only one who finds this entertaining. Apparently today has been declared “Drive Nice Day” here in King County. I heard about the proclamation on the car radio right after I got cut off by some jerk in a big, old Grand Marquis sporting a school-bus shaped bumper sticker urging me to drive safely.

Spin

2007-05-19T07:56:00.001-07:00

There is lying, and then there is “spin”. Spin is when one over-accentuates a small piece of a given situation that is true to support one’s position while intentionally de-emphasizing the less savory aspects of current events. Two years ago I blamed the shortage of Copper River Salmon on a truck hitting a moose in the Yukon Territory while the larger truth was I sold everything I had to someone else for more money. Spin is ever-present in politics (see: “supply-side economics”, “I didn’t inhale” and “WMDs”. It is also extremely prevalent in advertising; we’re all used to it. No one thinks twice when Pontiac advertises its new car with all kinds of superlatives; we all know it’s going to be a piece of crap. But this time the car business has gone too far. I heard this on an ad for the local Hummer dealership:

“And your H2 and H3 Hummers run on the least expensive gas at the pump… REGULAR!!!”

To imply vehicles that get 10 MPG and 15 MPG respectively are fuel savers is more than egregious.

It’s an outrage.

2007-05-14T05:22:00.000-07:00

Hola Amigos! It's been a while since I posted anything up on the Fishpimp and here's why:

The Fishpimp famly turned this:

Into this:

And then into this:

Now that we're done with the kitchen remodle I should have a little more time to write. Stay tuned!!!

Is This the Face of a Killer?

2007-03-26T20:28:00.000-07:00

Our dog, Tolkien, goes to work with Mrs. Fishpimp. His daily duties are generally limited to entertaining and relieving stress of the human staff and barking at the UPS guy. Today he applied for a promotion...to pest control. The boss has been trying unsuccessfully to catch the rats in the back yard for about 6 weeks now. But today, while playing fetch with a coworker in the back yard (the office is the owner's former house) he saw a rat running along the retaining wall, locked in, and struck with lightning precision. With coworkers screaming at the carnage, Little T thrashed the vermin, at one point throwing it several feet in the air. When Mrs. Fishpimp finally arrived on to see the Toe standing triumphantly over his bloody trophy and her coworkers in full mortification, she praised him for his good work.

When we used an exterminator at our rental house last fall it cost us $80 per rat. I'm writing up an invoice for services rendered.

Serendpity!

2007-03-20T07:15:00.000-07:00

I went to see a friend's band play down at Finn McCool's in the U-district on Friday night. He's in one of the hundreds of bands nationwide named "Vote For Pedro"; they're probably one of the better ones. That part was good. As I wandered into the bar I saw another friend who I've been trying to catch up with for weeks. That part was great, but the best part happened when I went to the bar. I ordered a pint of Red Hook ESB. This lonely-looking late 20s-ish dude saddled up to a plate of bangers & mash told the bartender he'd pay for it. I turned & looked at him for a long second and said "Really?". He confirmed my free beer and stated that he was a rep for Red Hook and thanked me for supporting their brand. I said "Right on, brother!" The only thing that would have made the evening better was if I had been on my game enough to switch from a pint to a pitcher. Oh well, as Simon always said "Talk about a gift horse hitting you in the mouth!"

Keepin' It Rural

2007-02-21T20:52:00.000-08:00

This past weekend we went out to the Clarkston-Pomeroy area in S.E. Washington. If you're unfamiliar with this region, it is about as far away from Seattle one can travel and still be in the state. We, along with two other couples, rented out the Wenatchee Guard Station, a 1930's CCC era US Forrest Service cabin overlooking the Snake River plain. It's a 6 hour drive followed by a challenging 3.5 mile ski in, but it is well worth the experience. The view is incredible. The drive out is equally spectacular. Even the snomobilers (the sworn nemisis of the cross sountry skier) were friendly. In fact, the only downside to the weekend was at the Starbucks in Clarkston.

I wanted a drip coffee, and I prefer it dark & robust. I asked the barista to describe the Kenya blend they had brewing. Apparently, this is a new location, and the training isn't quite complete. Here's how the conversation went:

Me: What's the Kenya blend like?
Her: Oh, it's good.
Me: Would you care to be more descriptive?
Her: Well, I really like it!
Me: That's great, but what is the flavor like? Is it light? Dark? Mild? Robust?

At which point she excitedly shows me the label they put on the bags featuring an elephant.

Me: So it tastes like elephants?
Her: Huh?
Me: Pffft. I'll take a tall drip with room for cream.

Here are some photos from the weekend:

Karma

2007-02-03T12:20:00.000-08:00

A large part of my time on-the-clock is spent cold-calling, or, in the parlance of our times: "in-person prospecting". For the most part people are friendly despite my interrupting their day's business. But about 5% of the people I call on are rude, if not downright abusive to me. I had one of those encounters last week at a pizzaria in Belltown. The guy was an absolute jerk, so I was smugly pleased to see Nancy Leson, the Seattle Times food critic, rip the place apart in this week's reviews:

"A handsome store it is, with exposed brick, soaring ceilings and a handful of tables set in an "L" around the big brick oven. But looks don't buy me love. Sophomoric service and inconsistency in the kitchen have to be addressed, fast.

One visit found dull pizza crust in need of salt. Worse, the crust had seized and turned cardboardlike shortly after it was presented..."

Paying My Last Respects

2007-01-29T08:06:00.000-08:00

Yesterday the Seattle Supersonics’s mascot, Squatch, celebrated his 14^th birthday. A good friend of mine knows the guy inside the costume and gut us tickets to sit in his suite at KeyArena. Such is the state of affairs of professional basketball in Seattle that the mascot gets his own suite.

The game was a stinker – the Supe’s only scored 31 points in the first half, and made less than 1/3^rd of the shots they took. But it was fun to see all the mascots from other teams come in for the birthday bash. The best part of the evening took place when Chris Ballew of the Presidents of the United States of America (one of my favorite bands) took the stage and debuted the new Squatch theme song. It’s a little campy, but he wrote it overnight on short notice (a la Mary Shelly’s Frankenstein). Squatch played drums. We rocked out for 90 seconds then left the building. Should the Sonics end up moving out of town it would be a shame for the mascot's birthday to be my final experience with this local institution.

Mr. Fishpimp Goes to Town

2007-01-20T08:05:00.000-08:00

When I was hired last year there were only two Account Execs in my office. One transfered to Arizona in July, the other just got promoted to GM of another branch. That means I am now the senior salesperson. Yikes! What's cool about that is I'm switching territories from Skagit & Whatcom counties, where I drive 600-800 miles a week, to Seattle, much closer to the Fishpimp homestead. As much as Seattle has changed and is now ruled by the insane, it's still my home town; it's where my people are. It's good to be home. Not to mention there is a lot more business out there than there is in places like Sedro Wooley & Sumas. Now all I have to do is go get it. Yeehaw!

AloooooooooHA!

2007-01-07T21:04:00.000-08:00

The Fishpimps spent the holiday week in Hawaii at the in-laws condo on Maui. It took me over 30 years to finally visit the 50th state; I'm damned sure it won't take that long to get back. I figured it would be a lot of lying around on the beach eating poi & getting sunburned. No sir! We had no time to sit: there was snorkeling, whale-watching, fine-dining, rum-drinking, mountain hiking, and surfing to be done. That's right, the Fishpimp surfed. Without a lesson, even! (Photographic evidence is pending)

Speaking of photographic evidence, ckeck out my skills:

In other news: Go Seahawks!!!

Is Nothing Sacred?

2006-12-22T15:30:00.000-08:00

I still can't believe the Denver Broncos are letting Jay Cutler wear Bubby Brister's number.

The Fishpimips are off to Hawaii for the Holidays! See y'all next year!

San Francisco

2006-12-09T14:00:00.000-08:00

I spent the week in San Francisco at the company’s national sales meeting & had a great time. We got in early and took the afternoon to explore the city a bit. Two of my coworkers & I took a cab out to Haight Ashberry to look at vintage music equipment & drink beer. Then we took another cab down to Fisherman’s wharf to drink more beer & eat fried oysters. We had trouble finding a cab back to the Hilton @ Union Square so we walked 22 blocks back up the hill. We could have taken the famous S.F. cable car, but I refuse to pay $5 for public transportation, historic or not.

The next day I walked up to Chinatown to buy Mrs. Fishpimp a little something & eat a humbow. I haggled with the shop keeper and got her to throw I a free magnet – I am a bargaining force to be reckoned with.

At dinner I sat next to the Regional Senior VP of the company and tried real hard to be on my best behavior. We told him about going out to Haight Ashberry and he asked us if we got any good weed, since he heard that was a good place for it. He’s a good sport.

Before going home the entire Seattle team went out for sushi. It was terrible. The pre-made crap at the grocery store was better than what we got. A coworker dared me to eat the entire lump of wasabi left on my plate – about 3 tablespoons. I got her to pony up $30 before I did it. I washed it down with beer so fast that it didn’t burn at all, but I did have a rumblin’ gut for a couple hours, not as bad as one might think. It turns out I needed the money; upon my return to Seattle I was to go directly to Mrs. Fishpimp’s company holiday party at the Kasbah restaurant on Crown Hill, but hadn’t packed enough clothing. So I used the cash to buy a new sweater.

I love it when the plan comes together.

Go Seahawks

2006-12-03T21:54:00.000-08:00

Did anyone else see the kicker, Josh Brown, lay out the Denver kick returner? Hoo-boy! He did the Nebraska Blackshirts proud with that one!

Mind Over Body Over Mind

2006-11-29T20:05:00.000-08:00

We got a bunch of snow on Sunday & Monday. I was supposed to go up to Anacortes & Oak Harbor on Tuesday, but after turning on the traffic at 6:00 AM and hearing about people still trying to get home from the Seahawks game the night before I decided to just stay home catch up on paperwork and make some phone calls. I got a fair amount done, but by the end of the day I thought I was coming down with a cold. It turns out it was all in my head – see, when I decided to stay home, I didn’t get into business clothes, just put on some long underwear and a toque. It’s the same ensemble I wear when I stay home sick. After staying inside all day in my sick clothes my subconscious began telling my body I must be ill. So I had a cup of wassail with a healthy measure of brandy to fool my subconscious into thinking it was Nyquil; immediately I felt better.

On a separate note: We saw the Bare Naked Ladies on Sunday night at the Everett Events Center. There were a ton of no-shows due to the snow; the Canadian band felt right at home. I have two comments on the show: 1) the BNL are fantastic live; and the Everett Events center is a great place to see a concert.

A Plea to the Drivers of Washington State

2006-11-14T18:17:00.000-08:00

Drivers of Washington: If you are not actively passing another vehicle, please do not drive in the far-left lane. If someone flashes their high-beams at you while driving in the left lane, please do not flip them off, rather allow them to pass. If you are concerned about controlling speeders join the state patrol, they need the help.

Thank you for your consideration.

Terminology

2006-11-08T09:13:00.000-08:00

I had a brief exchange with a prospective client last week that I personally found hilarious, but I’m not quite sure how to describe it

One of his workers came in to tell him to tell him a guy dropped off a barrel for him to look at. Now before I proceed, a bit of barrel terminology for you:

Bunghole: the opening in the top of the drum; it’s stopped by a “bung" which one removes with a “bung wrench”

He says to me “Hang on there, Mr. Fishpimp, I have to go look at this barrel with Mr. Adam”

“Get a good look at that bung hole” I say.

“Mr. Adam is in charge of the bung hole, I just want to get a look at the bottom.”

“There are a lot of people who wouldn’t know the difference.” I say.

“Well, young Adam here just got back from Afghanistan, he sure does!”

I don’t know what that means, but it sure struck me as funny.

Fishpimp Film Review: Thank You for Smoking

2006-10-29T12:56:00.000-08:00

It's brilliant! If you haven't seen it go rent it now!

Hitting a Nerve

2006-10-27T15:56:00.000-07:00

One thing I learned about sales at the Fishhouse is that sometimes you just throw something out just to see if it sticks. Sometimes it’s a high price, sometimes it’s an analogy. More often than not it doesn’t get you anywhere, but sometimes you end up hitting a home run. I told a guy he could afford a new Cadillac CTS with all the cash I was saving him. It turns out he had just bought a new truck and was looking for a way to justify the purchase; he picked up the phone and fired the current vendor on the spot.

My coworker, Steve, had just such an experience yesterday. One of our competitors is known for its long history of excellent service, however, in recent years the quality of their rental garments has declined dramatically. So Steve-o walks into this auto shop and finds out from the manager that they use this company for their uniforms. So he throws this out:

“Oh, I never would have guessed!...The zipper is still attached to your jacket.”

It was an over-the-top slam on the competitor; an extreme exaggeration meant to call attention to the poor quality of the current purveyor, but not meant at all to be taken literally. After all, zippers don’t just fall off of jackets

“My other jacket has been missing the zipper for three months.” The manager replied.

Bingo.

Genetic Destiny

2006-10-11T18:10:00.000-07:00

Anyone who has known me for a while has heard the 'genetic destiny' jokes - women doing dishes and men watching football, etc. (Jokes only, remember!) This past weekend I learned the real meaning of the term: I took Tolkien the Australian Cattle Dog for a herding lesson. Ho-lee Smokes that dog can herd! Without any instruction he tore across the pen and chased the sheep (which he had never seen before) right back to the trainer. With only minimal instruction he learned to work the stock in the direction the trainer desired. He told us the Toetoe could compete in herding trials with only a little more instruction. The dog has talent. It's amazing that having gone the first 3 years of his life without ever encountering a sheep he knew exactly what to do when he dinlly did come upon one.

Back in the Northwest.

2006-10-01T19:55:00.001-07:00

I spent the last 7 days in L.A.. 5 in sales training and 2 with my main Idahoan, Luke. The class was excellent, but long and exhausting. It's always fun to go to these things, meet people from all over the country and learn about life around these great United States. One night we went out for Thai food. Being from the West Coast, I'm used to exotic cuisine like this, but the poor guy from Wichita ordered the Tilapia thinking he would be served a fillet; he got the whole damn fish. HA!

After a week at the hotel I was looking forward to hanging out with Luke, but I had to kill 5 hours before he could pick me up. So I took the shuttle to the mall to see a movie. I caught a screening of "The Guardian". It's a little formulaic, but I enjoyed it none-the-less.

Later, after questioning my sexuality for watching a Kevin Costner movie by myself, Luke took me out for some beers. He announced he's in the process of buying his first place. Congratulations to my homie.

Saturday He had to work so I loafed around, watched some football, went to the store for groceries (it's hard to make a meal out of ketchup & baking soda, the only contents of Luke's fridge). After a Rock Star & 3 mile run I whipped up a little Pork Saltimbocca with Polenta, making sure I made enough for him to have left-overs

In return he introduced me to R. Kelly's Magnum Opus "Trapped in the Closet". It's brilliant, certain to be a cinematic classic. But the really grasp his genius, you have to watch R. Kelly's comentary, he's a visionary. Seriously.

Now I'm home watching the Hawks get thier lunch handed to them by the Bears. Uff Da. At least I've got the Bears D on my fantasy team. Regardless, it's good to be home, and despite my bravado, it will be even nicer when Mrs. Fishpimp gets home in two weeks.

Back in the Northwest.

2006-10-01T19:55:00.000-07:00

Diversification

2006-09-23T08:37:00.000-07:00

I signed a quick-lube shop in Sedro Wooley back in June. It had been purchased by a Korean fellow who was a hard bargainer. He told me he would be opening a series of restaurants, and that if I wanted that business I had better write him a good deal for the place in Sedro. I thought it was just a bargaining tool; that he had no intention of opening any restaurants. Regardless, we have a big national program with the oil distributor he uses, so I gave him the national pricing to placate him.

I never thought I'd hear from him again, but he called me on Wednesday to say he bought a restaurant in Shoreline and wanted to start service. He didn't want to sign a new contract so I just added the restaurant to the existing contract. The agreement for the new place has it listed as:

"Trail Road Shell Station & Xpress Lube DBA Old Village Korean Family Restaurant"

Anyway, I thought it was funny.

New Material from a 'Classical' Figure

2006-09-18T19:23:00.000-07:00

I'm working on my presentation for my quarterly sales review. I have to present my progress to the GM, Sales Manager, and the entire sales team. It is tradition that we begin our program with an inspirational quote. Last time I quoted Mike Hale, the founder of Hale's Ales: "The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing." This time I went to the internet for help.

I found a site called Motivationalquotes.com. It's got tons of quotes searchable by the subject and by the quoted person. One section has quotes from famous philosophers. While scanning the list I noticed something peculiar - they have new quotes from Socrates.

The dude drank the hemlock back in 399 B.C.! How new can it be?!

Freedom!

2006-09-17T21:55:00.000-07:00

Mrs. Fishpimp left for Africa today. I watched 4 football games this weekend. So far so good! I have two traditions when she travels: 1) I get China Express and a bottle of zinfandel and get loaded on the couch, and 2) I go out and buy myself something nice.

It started when we were engaged in 2000. My little Mazda was stating to fall apart, so I traded it in on a new truck. She was a little ticked off then, but it's paid for now, and since I roll in a company car, it's her every-day-driver. While on other trips I've gone out an bought a new backpack, a new suit, a digital camera, and now one of these babies!

Stairway to...?

2006-09-03T16:56:00.000-07:00

We finally finished the staircase project in our front yard last week. What should have been a two weekend project ended up taking the entire summer. But that's why I'm in sales and not construction. While they may not be perfect, it's better than average the average product coming out of the Fishpimp Workshop. I spent today cleaning up the yard - all the construction refuse, shards of flagstone, lumber end & mis-cuts, various shipping remnants, etc. The big plan is starting to come together out there, just in time for football season!!!

On that note, this week was the first in my 30+ years that I have attended both a Seahawks & a Huskies football game in the same week. Both were good fun. For long periods of the Huskies game we watched a product that actually resembled proper "Husky Football". Solid tackling, excellent line play and a strong running game. They even managed to not give the game away in the 4th quarter this time! Go Dawgs!

I'm looking forward to this season more than most in recent memory; Mrs. Fishpimp is going to Africa for 4 weeks in Sept./Oct.. I love my wife, a lot, but she seems to think that allowing me to watch either the Seahawks OR the Huskies on any given weekend is generous on her part. While that might make sense in light of our aggressive home-improvement plan, it's tough. Seriously, only one football game per weekend? It's just not natural!

Update

2006-08-25T18:10:00.000-07:00

HOLY SMOKES!!! It’s been waaaaay to long since I’ve posted anything up here. A lot has happened in the past two weeks. I completed the 13^th annual Beaver Lake Triathlon – barely – I had the words of Dean Wormer going through my head as, overweight and undertrained, I huffed my way through the 4.3 mile run: “Son, fat, dumb, and stupid is no way to go through life.” But I did it, and I got the t-shirt to prove it.

We’ve been cultivating a lot of produce – green beans, tomatoes, apples, tomatillos, zucchini, etc. Mrs. fishpimp has produced 3 apple pies and 5 crisps. We’ve been enjoying caprese salad 3 times a week, and the tomatoes haven’t even hit ther stride yet. Anyone seeking fresh tomatoes, apples, or squash should contact us immediately.

We’re also selling the Little Red Zipper, our 2000 Honda Civic – feel free to contact us about that also.

On the work front, I signed up the Patty’s Eggnest chain of restaurants, so that’s a nice win personally. I also talked with a buddy from the Fishhouse, seems like things are going well there. They’ve got a new GM who has solved many of the problems that frustrated me, and apparently Simon has mellowed significantly. So those of you lamenting the lack of Simonisms lately, it’s not my fault, he’s putting them out at a slower pace.

Conversely, I find myself using Simonisms more and more frequently on the job. What’s that about?

Foresight

2006-08-10T20:17:00.000-07:00

I made a sale today. I sold a bunch of aprons to a Mexican bakery in Belligham completely in Spanish. Later I got the details for a new restaurant in Arlington from the "New American" cleaning up the construction in the parking lot, also without the use of the English language. Two weeks ago I sold a tortilla maker in Everett in a bi-lingual manner.

When I decided to take Spanish classes in 7th grade I told myself that I'd be more likely to use it later in life than I would German or French. Who knew that as a 12 year old pre-fishpimp I would make such a wise decision. As the Punkin' would say "I'm the Swami!" Orale!

Highlight of my Week

2006-08-03T21:30:00.000-07:00

We have these "Sales Blitzes" from time to time when they take the entire sales staff and spend the day canvassing one rep's territory. This week we were in Tukwila; my partner and I were assigned the Tuk-Vegas strip. I told my him I was going to throw one hand of blackjack while he talked to the manager. I was dealt 17 with the dealer showing a 6, so I held. He was sitting on 14 and drew a 3. My public school math made me think I lost, but since the dealer left my chips on the table I played another hand. And drew a blackjack. It's too bad not all my cold calls end up with me $15 richer.

Playing Politics

2006-07-28T08:01:00.000-07:00

I work with this one guy who loves to talk politics. He’s a nice guy, but loves to spout the conservative rhetoric. Seriously, he comes in with the latest talking points from Sean Hannity or Michael Medved and throws them at us verbatim. I don’t think he even believes a lot of the stuff he’s arguing, but it still gets my dander up. I find myself agreeing more & more with the guy on the other side who argues all the liberal points, tho’ I still claim my position as an unaffiliated moderate with libertarian tendencies.

But the other day the conservative was rambling on about the Right Wing’s current ‘distract-from-Iraq’ topic: Immigration. He’s not opposed to immigration, but he wants all immigrants to enter legally. Fine. But then he goes on to talk about the citizenship test; that it’s not that hard, but that all the liberal college grads (he didn’t go to college) who want to open up the borders have a hard time passing it. So I called him on it: “Hey, I’m a college grad, do you think I’d have a hard time passing it? Seriously, do you think I’d fail the test because I went to college and learned to think for myself? Huh?” Apparently the talk show hosts didn’t tell him what to say when a degree-holder calls bullsh*t, because he just shut up.

So I went online and took a couple citizenship sample quizzes. I scored 18 out of 21. Not too bad for a short white college graduate with critical thinking skills. For the record I was wrong on what year the constitution was written (1787) twice, how many amendments to the constitution there are (27).

Now that I’ve passed the citizenship test my next goal will be to teach my conservative friend how to speak Spanish so he’ll be able to cope with the ever-changing demographic in his Federal Way neighborhood.

Hot Times Living in the City

2006-07-24T20:31:00.000-07:00

Anyone notice it's hot out lately? Holy Smokes! We've resorted to taking the hide-a-bed mattress & sleeping on the basement floor. I have to say that these last few nights I've enjoyed some of the best sleep I can remember.

It might strike some as funny, but about the only thing I like to do when it's this hot out is training - either a long, hard bike ride or a good hard run. Perhaps I feel like I accomplish more when I get such a good sweat on. Of course I'm completely miserable afterwards, but at least I can justify the cool-ones I drink by the calories I've burned.

On a separate note: the new TV has the P.I.P (which rocks). I have the M's vs. the Blue Jays on one channel and Hell's Kitchen on the other. I've never watched Hell's Kitchen before, but I'm loving it; mainly because I don't have to deal with those kinds of chefs anymore. I've been selling a lot of restaurants lately, but since we don't do a lot of linen cleaning I haven't run into any ego-maniacal kitchen managers lately. And any time I do I just remember the sage words of Simon: How seriously can you take guy who goes to work in his pajamas.

That's Sooooooo Seattle

2006-07-19T20:05:00.000-07:00

I had a moment in which I realized how much a product of my environment I truly am. Today I stopped into my local QFC in the middle of my bike ride, and, while clad in lycra bike shorts, purchased a head of organic romaine. I'd make a lousy Midwesterner.

!Por Fin!

2006-07-09T21:29:00.000-07:00

We finally finished the "redeployment" of our patio today. It's been nearly a month-long process but we're done! It was hard, hard work - we had to pull up aprox. 500 8"x15" cement pavers, knock off any existing grout, level, and re-lay them in the new pattern.

I started out de-grouting the blocks with a cold chisel, but found out quickly that this wasn't what Snoop Dogg meant by "Cold-Chizillin'". After cleaning off aprox 2/3rds of the pavers I rented a wet saw to make some custom cuts for corners & odd angles, and found that it was much better than smacking the grout off with a chisel. It only took me 4 hours to do what it had taken me over two weeks to do earlier!

We rented the "Wacker-Packer" again today - it's an industrial-grade plate-compactor. We used it to pack the gravel base a few weeks ago; today we used it to settle the pavers into the sand between them and the gravel. After packing we swept more sand into the crevices between the pavers and called it good.

We celebrated with a pitcher of Margaritas and a feast from the smoker: bacon-wrapped corn & chile pepper (N.Y.) steak. Mrs. Fishpimp found a couple recipes that sounded awesome, so we gave them a whirl. I don't mean to be controversial, knowing that generally speaking bacon improves any dish that it is added to, but the bacon-wrapped smoked ear of corn was nothing special. It was good, but I couldn’t taste the bacon at all. The steak, on the other hand, was fantastic! Even though chipotles are so ubiquitous now a days that they may have jumped the shark, the recipe is a definite keeper.

The Fine Cuisine of Paris

2006-07-06T19:04:00.000-07:00

My main man, Jefferson, snapped this while dining in France:

So much for the Huate Cuisinse of Europe.

Busy Busy

2006-06-30T07:20:00.000-07:00

Amigos - I'm sorry I haven't put much up lately - it's summertime and I've been super-busy lately between demo-ing and reinstalling a patio and training for the Beaver Lake Triathlon I haven't been spending much time in front of the computer. In addition, my sales territory is being redistributed and I've been spending more time in Anacortes & Bellingham lately.

The good part is that they're both beautiful cities. The bad part is that the salt in my blood has come back to the surface; I've been thinking more and more about buying a boat. I called on a boat builder a week ago and I can't get my mind off this one

Sssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!

2006-06-20T06:01:00.000-07:00

I just read that Nestle is going to buy Jenny Craig.

$600,000,000 is a lot of hush money.

Going to the Dogs Part II

2006-06-13T17:42:00.000-07:00

Now soliciting captions.

Going to the Dogs Part I

2006-06-13T17:28:00.000-07:00

I've mentioned that one thing I love about my job is the variety of businesses & people I call on. The other day I signed the largest Whatcom County's largest window-washing company. Obviously, there isn't a large demand for window washing as they had more Bichon Frisses than employees: 4 dogs, 3 workers.

Chuck Norris meet Al Gore

2006-06-09T13:31:00.000-07:00

A buddy of mine was so impressed by the list of Chuck Norris facts that he did some research on another celebrity, Al Gore. Here are some of his findings:

Al Gore conceded the election in 2000 to punish us for not electing him
unanimously.

Al Gore knows the last digit of pi.

Al Gore doesn't type into a computer, Al Gore is Wifi.

Every morning, just to get focused, Al Gore simultaneously plays and wins
6000 games of Chess, 500 games of Risk, 725 games of Sorry, 45 games of
Backgammon and 6 games of Connect Four with challengers from all over the
globe.  Al Gore has never been defeated.

Al Gore eats data and craps facts.

Al Gore has 9 senses.

Major League Baseball runs all of their stats through Al Gore.

Whatever you know, Al Gore knew it first.

Al Gore designed and built Hilary Clinton form the ground up when he was ten

years old.

Don't worry about the last six years.  Al Gore built a time machine and he
can fix them whenever he pleases.

Al Gore prefers to levitate but only when you aren't watching.  Al Gore
isn't cocky.

Al Gore knows every Scooby-Doo episode ever written by heart, even the
Scrappy-Doo ones.

Al Gore's fecal matter can hold between a terabyte and 300 terabytes
depending on what he ate the day before.

Cold Fusion?  Al Gore will give it to you when Al Gore thinks you deserve
it.

Al Gore ghost wrote most of Steely Dan's early albums.

Al Gore's house runs mostly off the excess electricity his brain generates.

The remainder runs his car.

Al Gore is the only one on the planet that extra terrestrials will bother
communicating too.  They keep offering to take him away from all this but Al
just says, "Give them time."

Al Gore can turn lead into gold.  He doesn't because he knows the economy is

unstable as it is.  Al Gore respects the balance.

Al gore sees four minutes into the future and it hasn't been making him
happy lately.  He will let you know if he sees anything terrible coming, but
will you listen?

Al Gore has an Elvish sword that glows blue when Karl Rove enters the room.

Al Gore claps on the 2 and the 4.

Al Gore has "F13-F18" keys on the top of his keyboard and knows how to use
everyone of them.

Al Gore served two tours of duty in Nam under assumed names so as to not
draw too much glory to himself.

When Al Gore goes fishing, fish just jump in the boat, believing that if Al
Gore is trying to catch them it must be for the greater good.

Al Gore's calculator has space for 2 million digits.  That would come in
handy if he ever needed to use one.

Al Gore knows all the good back roads, not just of this country but on all
other continents.

Al Gore can re-position satellites with a thought.  He frequently does this
to interfere with Bush's Cartoon Network reception.

Al Gore has memorized every Roll-a-dex of every office he has ever visited.

When you call information, information calls Al Gore.

Al Gore speaks Whale.

Al Gore once ran across the United States to create awareness for everything
all the time.

Al Gore's curve ball moves up and out.

Underneath Al Gore's right arm are 'tangent', 'sign', and 'cosign' buttons.
Don't press them.  You won't like the answer.

Al Gore's pinky can solder.  Complete with solder wire flax and hot, hot,
heat.

Al Gore was the drum tech for Emerson Lake and Palmer.

Al Gore can taste colors.

Al Gore built his own space vessel, (non rocket), headed into space, and
wrote "I love Tipper" on the dark side of the moon backwards.  Then he
positioned a Giant mirror behind it to catch the suns light and reflected it
down onto the message.  Al then Flew down to Earth took his wife by the hand
at a table he had hand crafted himself, repositioned his telescope and had
Tipper look through it.  "Happy tenth anniversary honey." He said as he
served her some melon.

Connections

2006-06-06T12:24:00.000-07:00

One nice thing about this job is getting to make firneds in other industries. So far I've got the hook-ups with a carpet guy, an HVAC guy, an auto detailer, a banquet facility, a fence installer, a window guy, and a bunch of restaurants.

I just wish more of them were in Edmonds, rather than Arlington & Bellingham